A billion here, a billion there…

Spokesperson for Bay-santo-Kline-Farber Organics, the world’s largest multinational pharmaco-agrico-petro-plastic conglomerate today announced long-awaited results from their vaccine trials for COVID-19. The press release was headlined, “Aw, shucks!”

It went on…

“The difference between test group and control group barely missed being statistically significant. So in order to protect the public health, we as a corporation with the public good built into our mission statement, have made the decision not to seek emergency FDA authorization for the product in which we have invested $1.5 billion of our stockholders’ hard-earned money.

“We are as disappointed as you are at the results of this trial, but science is science, and numbers don’t lie.

“Luckily, the public has good options. We encourage citizens to put their faith in vaccine products by our competitors. These companies have the same high standards of integrity and commitment to public health that we have, but they have engineered a superior product to what we can offer, and we congratulate them on their achievement.”

Bill Gates went on live TV to add a personal touch to the disappointment we all feel. “Two of my family members were personally involved as subjects of the Bay-santo-Kline-Farber clinical trial. One of them had a mild fever after receiving the shot, and went to bed early. We were told later that she had received the placebo.”

What can we add, except that we are grateful to participate in a world economy where all the players are putting public health and safety ahead of their own self-interest. With companies like this, who needs government regulatory agencies?

How to Make Shots Hurt Less for Kids | Health.com

3 thoughts on “A billion here, a billion there…

  1. I’m so moved, I’ve been crying all day. Now I’m dehydrated and running a fever, can’t feel my limbs, am unable to distinguish the difference in smell between cat turds and lemon meringue pie. These are sure signs of Covid-19 infection. Apparently just reading this posting has caused me to come down with the dread illness. I’ve contacted my lawyer, priest, and next of kin, in preparation for the worst. As I write this I’m hallucinating. A large alligator with the face of Jesus just ate a delivery driver in front of my house. I think it was the temperature gun I ordered from Amazon. Any advice?

    • Advice? Yes of course, it’s the least I can do for you.
      Please take two aspirin and have a bowl of chicken soup. This is a little-known, suppressed cure for COVID for which FDA stubbornly refuses to grant emergency authorization.

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