The earliest preparation was just a year earlier. I swam slowly on my back across the lake and decided to ask Enid to marry me.
Enid has loved me better than anyone in my life, even better than Alice, my wife of 20 years, whose love was extraordinary, and didn’t end when our marriage ended. It was my love for Enid that was imperfect. I never fully respected her, and love was tied in my mind to admiration. Enid sensed this and kept breaking up with me, always coming back, But this had been one of our longest separations. What I realized in the lake was that I could make a full commitment to her.
As soon as I got out of the lake, I called her from my cell, and wasted no time tendering my proposal.
Silence. Minute after minute. I got in the car, started driving home, letting her take all the time she needed to respond. At length she figured out what was happening — her phone had been on mute. Sde had delivered a long speech about how she needed to feel loved, Commitment was not enough. I had heard not a word.
Another 11 months passed, our longest separation. This past June, Enid sent me a biographical essay, self-examining her own failures to find love over a lifetime. She mentioned in the essay that there was a new man in het life from online dating. Tom loved her passionately and wanted to go full speed ahead. Enid liked him and was attracted to him, but she was holding back because Tom has not aged well because of an auto accident that limits his physical mobility.. He will never be able to hike or cycle or swim with her.
I immediately called Enid and spent 2 hours on the phone with her as I walked through the wooded park near my home. I listened and skillfully encouraged her to access deeper feelings. I told her I wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me. She said that’s not the kind of love she wanted. She wanted me to br jealous. We worked on that one, back and forth. I had worked hard to delegitimize my jealousy through a lifetime. I think of jealousy as a perversion of love. But to Enid, jealousy was a mark of true love.
I encouraged Enid to try giving her heart fully to Tom for one week, to see how that worked out. She said she would not so that. I said that, fit as I am, I could be completely disabled tomorrow.
(That was the punchline.)
A few days later, I was invited to DC by some political allies. I thought, this could be my excuse to see Enid, who lives nearby. I wrote to her, said I was planning to be in her area, asked if I might visit her. She wrote bak a 3-letter reply. I was so excited I couldn’t sleep.
We had a short, blissful reunion. I was over the top in love like a teenager. I called and wrote to her constantly, told her that I was feeling the passion she always had wanted from me. She spent the weekend with Tom.
One more presentiment. My beloved family doc who has worked with me 20 years was bugging me by email to get vaxed. I wrote back to her that the adverse events from the mRNA vaccines were through the roof. She wrote to me that risks of bicycling were much higher. I responded, “I’m well aware that bicycling is the most dangerous thing I do.”
That was 2 days before my accident.
Enid visited me in the hospital 2 full days. She is fully committed to my care and rehabilitation.